Some of the best times I’ve ever had with Buck, however, have come when nothing was on the agenda. We were simply hanging out.
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| Buck Compton and the back of my head. Photo courtesy Josh Durias. |
This happened in a hotel room in Pennsylvania. Buck and I were waiting for the next event at an air show. I turned on the TV and flipped to ESPN, thinking Buck would like to watch whatever game was on. He did. He watched for a while. Then he snoozed. Then he woke up, and kind of drowsily said, “Did I ever tell ya I know that guy?”
It was right after John Wooden’s death, and ESPN was showing a documentary of his life.
“Yeah,” Buck said. “When they first hired John Wooden at UCLA in 1948, the baseball coach invited him over to dinner at his house. The baseball coach was an old fraternity brother of mine, so he invited my wife and me along, just to help welcome John Wooden to the school.” Buck laughed a kindly, insider’s laugh. “Coach Wooden was a great man, he really was.”
One legend talking up another legend. You can’t buy that sort of experience.
As leaders, a pressure often exists to make things happen relationally. We feel a necessity to schedule time with key people and invest in their lives, or seal a deal, or learn from them, or work through an agenda.
Scheduling relational connections, in itself, is not wrong. It’s good to plan meetings, and spend one-on-one time with mentors, and go on date nights with our spouses, and regularly pencil in and block out quality time with our kids.
But often the best things happen relationally when nothing’s planned. These golden moments come when we’re simply watching TV with those we care about. Or we’re in a car together on the way back from McDonalds. Or we’re sitting around the breakfast table eating Grape Nuts. Call it an invitation to simply be there. Call it the strategy of time-spent-with.
Do you ever think that way? How incredibly important it is to simply hang out—agenda-free—with the people you care about?
A while back I took my young daughter and son over to Buck’s apartment to wish him well. There was a schedule of sorts to the trip. It was Memorial Day, and we were going to see “a real veteran.” My daughter had drawn a picture for him, and she carefully rehearsed what she was going to say: “Thank you for your service to our country.”
Buck played along good naturedly. He thanked my daughter for her picture, shook hands with my then 2-year-old son, and that was pretty much it. There wasn’t a lot more to say. Buck’s a little hard of hearing, and my kids aren’t into hearing war stories yet. Buck and I talked about books for a while. Then there was a lull in the conversation.
The TV was on. And that’s when I think everyone relaxed and started being themselves. My daughter told a knock-knock joke. My son hopped around the room like a kangaroo. And Buck started to laugh. I mean, really laugh.
Just hanging out together. It was the best part of the visit.
Question: What good things have come to you when you’ve simply hung around with people close to you?
11 comments:
I had much the same experience last year after the Vegas Easy Company Reunion. We were waiting in the lobby of the hotel to catch the shuttle to the airport. Someone asked about Buck Taylor and we learned he was already at the airport as he wanted to get there early. I made it to the airport and found my gate and there sat Buck! His plane would be leaving from the gate next to mine. It was hard to believe that here sat a hero and no one noticed. Anyway, I saw the opportuniy for an uninterrupted visit so I sat down close by. We talked about things mostly unrelated to Easy Company for most of an hour. He was going on to visit his daughter in Florida I believe. His passing this year makes that time even more special. It is a memory I will forever cherrish. Me and Buck Taylor...just hanging out!
Cathy, a great comment, thanks.
Buck Taylor was one of the best. And what a great experience for you to have had in his last year.
Living in a military town has its perks. My Grandson Curtis and I were hanging out doing some errands for my wife his grandmother, and while we were at ACE Hardware we happened upon Retired Commander Harry Ferrier, whom I have met before. Harry was a 18 year old Radioman/gunner in one of the 6 Torpedo 8 TBF's that launched from Midway Island and were the first planes to strike the Jap fleet. 5 0f the 6 TBF's were shot down with all hands lost. Harry and his pilot Bert Earnest were the only members of the strike to survive. All 15 of the Torpedo 8 TBD's launched from Hornet, CV8, were lost with only one survivor, Ens. George Gay. I called my Grandson over to meet him and what an Honor it was for him, he had the privilege in meeting Buck Compton a couple of months earlier, Great man what a visit, what an Honor. Remember those you Love need as much time as they need!!!
Fabulous experience!
What you describe here, Marcus, is one of my main descriptors of a real friend - someone you can simply hang out with and not have to talk incessantly. When silence is not 'awkward' silence, there's a depth of relationship there.
A buddy of mine and I once took a weekend and headed to a cabin at the Oregon coast to just hang out for a few days. No big agenda. We put our watches away for the weekend, didn't pay attention to the time (our stomachs kept us pretty much on schedule), did some reading, hung out at the beach, and like you say, had some time-spent-with.
I had the distinct honor of escorting about 20 WWII veterans to a Red Wings hockey game last winter. When I arrived at the assisted living facility they all lived in, I introduced myself and asked who were the big Wings fans and who was excited to go see the game up in a nice suite. One vet replied that his eyes were so bad that he could barely see 20 feet in front of him so he really wouldn't be watching the game. The another piped up and said that it wasn't really about going to the game, but rather hanging out with the fellas - a boy's night out! To hear a group of 85+ year-olds still talk about hanging out with the guys sure did my heart good!
Very cool stories, thanks.
Thanks for the timely post, Marcus. As you know, it is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. I'm looking forward to time-spent-with some VIPs in my life, and it is good to be reminded of how valuable and vital that time is.
A good word, Dan.
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving. Save a drumstick for me. :)
You know Marcus, this reminds me of the way visits to Buck have become for me as of late. No agenda and no unnecessary talking if we don't want to. Just hanging out and enjoying each others company. When we do talk, it's rarely about the war or E co. It's usually about what my girls have been doing, how our friend Erik is and how his job is going. I really enjoy that and didn't even think about it this way until I read this blog. Thanks pal, and now I gotta go see Buck and Tracy this weekend, lol.
Rob, good stuff, man. I'm glad you're in Buck's life, and that you're looking out for him. Thanks for all you do to support the Men of E Co.
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