Gather ‘round boys, and listen in.
This here piece of advice I got years ago from Crazy Ned Van der Meyer, an 88-year-old Holstein farmer living on a lushly plowed dirt patch in Custer, Washington.
Crazy Ned had fathered six kids and been happily hitched to the same good woman since he was 20 and she was 17.
He knew powerful secrets about marriage, he said. Yet what Crazy Ned told me sounded too easy to be true, and when I dared question its credibility, Crazy Ned grinned like a Buick and answered cryptically, “Well, when it comes to thick headedness and wise living, you know the Dutch.”
I just shrugged.
“Here’s what you do,” Crazy Ned said, his voice hushed to a whisper. “When you come home from work each day, the first thing you do inside the front door is give your wife a 15 second kiss on the lips.”
I nodded, waiting for the rest of the advice.
“That’s it,” Crazy Ned said flatly.
“That’s it?” I asked.
“You might want to chomp a stick of Wrigley’s so you don’t taste like a coffee cup,” Crazy Ned added, “and as yer kissing her you can count to 15 in yer mind if you want. Picture it—fifteen seconds is a long time when it comes to a daily smooch. Scientists will tell you it sets the chemicals in yer brain to firing. But I don’t know nothing about science. I just figure it sets both of your dispositions right, and everything else good will come from that.”
Years have passed, and Crazy Ned Van der Meyer is gone now. In his honor, I’m passing along that advice from Crazy Ned to you and letting it stand.
First thing inside the front door, greet your significant other with a 15-second kiss on the lips.
Go on, give it a try.
Question: What other sound marriage advice have you heard?
14 comments:
Sounds like a damn good idea. Thanks Crazy Ned!
That Crazy Ned knew what he was talking about.
Marcus--as a woman I read this blog from time to time, but I just want to say that my husband came home from his shift, having read this, and applied this teaching. THANK YOU!!!!!
Hilarious post, yet so true. It's the little things that matter in a marriage, particularly when they're consistent.
Every day for the last 5 years, since we live together, I give my fiancee a long kiss and big hug when I come home, but not a 15 seconds lasting one! It's more a 5 seconds one. Being Dutch myself, and being a "fan" of this blog, I will give it a try later when I get home. Did you also give this a try Marcus? :)
Yuri, absolutely!
There was a large concentration of people with Dutch heritage in the area of Custer, Washington, where I worked for 6 years in my 20s. The town of Lynden, which is also close by, had a big windmill on the edge of town. I remember they had a lot of good-natured jokes among themselves about their heritage and a saying, "If you ain't Dutch, you ain't much."
Humorous post, and there is much truth to it. Yes, passion must be kept alive in a marriage.
Here's something else, to answer the question, at the end of the post. I work in an office building where the dress code is slacks and dress shirts. So everybody looks very professional during the week.
For some time after I was first married, I'd always dress like a slob on the weekends. I mean, like not showering, shaving, and going around for two days in my sweats. My thought was that since I dressed nicely all week long, the weekend was "my" time. I just wanted to relax.
But then I started thinking how the weekends were the time where I saw my wife the most. So maybe I should start dressing well for her too. I didn't want her to always see me as a "relaxed slob."
I still wear casual clothes on the weekends, but now I make the effort to at least shower and shave and wear jeans and a casual shirt, not just sweat pants.
Just a little thought. It can make a big difference.
Thanks for this blog!
best thing for a marriage> DATE NIGHTS. Gotta schedule regular time in for your sweetie. We;'ve been married 18 yrs and still have a date night almost every week.
This post made me smile and I agree, it is little things that add up to be important. I also think timing is very important. If you are really upset at the other wait, don't drop bad news when it's combined with tiredness or other all consuming things. Timing is important. But I really like the 15 second idea :)
Ha ha Marcus, great.Well, I also heard about jokes about the Dutch being "greedy", like the expression "let's go Dutch". It seems that the Dutch then only want to pay for themselves. Guess there are different sayings about the different people for every country! I would buy you all a beer if I ever got to meet you, no worries!
Windmills! They are actually pretty rare in the Netherlands...
I gave my love a long 15 seconds kiss yesterday. She gave me the most beautiful smile in return. You see...my World War 2 interest does also help my "love life". Thank you Marcus!
Today I finally had the time to read the blog entry from last wednesday! It gave me a big lasting smile.
Thank you very much for that hint, and I will give it a try today.
Cheers to Crazy Ned!
Ah, great to hear these postings are positively affecting lives! Thanks for the comments.
Marcus,
I wanted to give you an update for this post; I took this information to heart and every oportunity since reading this I have given my wife as long a kiss as she will allow. Sometimes 5 seconds is all I could get, but gradually I have increased the time, so I no longer count. I've noticed three distinct things occuring. 1. About 5 to 6 secs in my wife's knees get weak and I am literally holding her in my arms; I know she still loves me.
2. We seem to be talking more about the kids, about family plans, desires for what we want to achieve for our family; more than we have in our marriage ever 3. When that kiss is over, the problems at work that day, have dissappeared and been replaced with a calm knowing of what work is, a job. Family is important and to be able to strengthen that with a 15 second kiss a day, is something worth trying. Thank-you so much for sharing this gift with me. Dan Maja
Dan--fantastic!
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