“Late at night” means 9-11 p.m. for us. We eat steak and nachos
at Bob’s Burgers & Brews, a joint
our wives don’t like much. And we talk about all the manly things we can think
of—Mustangs, bass guitars, movies, books, fights, God, and our families.
Pete and Roger and I have known each other since college
days when Roger played basketball for the school team, and Pete windsurfed the
hugest squalls he could find on the Columbia Gorge. These days, Pete is the
tech director at the law school of Seattle University, and Roger is a partner
in one of the city’s top insurance firms.
We meet to share laughs. But we also meet with intentionality.
All of us take seriously the adage that iron sharpens iron.
We meet to spur each other forward to become better men.
What does it take to do that?
For one, we’re bluntly honest with each other. Over the
years, I don’t think there’s anything we haven’t talked about.
Two, we ask each other hard questions. We’ve given each
other permission to speak into each other’s lives, and we’re not above saying,
“Dude—you’re being an idiot in this area. Smarten up.”
And three, we genuinely encourage each other. We also say
things like, “You’re doing exactly what you need to do in this situation. Keep
up the good work.”
There is no specific agenda to our meetings. We don’t go through a
workbook or have a list to check off. It’s all organic, and the conversation
simply flows. But we do meet for a reason.
The other day, for example, Roger asked a question from out
of the wild: “When you guys were kids, at what times did you feel most loved
from your parents?”
It was a good query for men to wrestle with—men who are continually
seeking ways to strengthen the love for their own families.
I was thinking maybe the gifts parents give, or the time parents
spend with us. But before either Pete or I could answer, Roger answered from
his own experience.
“I felt most loved from my parents,” he said, “whenever I
was going through a hard time, and I knew my parents were there for me.”
You can’t buy that kind of practical wisdom.
It only comes face to face from the other men around you.
The everyday soldiers in the battles of daily life.
That’s why men need intentional friends.
You need your band of brothers.
Question: Do you purposefully meet with friends? How
has it benefitted you?
4 comments:
Great blog! After moving away to a different country TWICE, I have learned to appreciate my friendship with certain people way better. Before I moved, it is easy to meet up. You live nearby, meet each other, have a good time, good talks, some beers, and it feels right and fun. Then, when you can't do that anymore, you feel that you miss something, someone. So, whenever I am back in Europe, I intentionally set up meetings with certain friends. I somehow do feel a bit nervous after meeting my best friend again for the first time since a year has passed, but as soon as you give that manly hug, and start to talk, you feel that this is the guy you have missed all along, and need in your life. As you write, we can talk about anything, and point out each others strengths or weakness. Also, the feeling that somehow he is still there for you, no matter what, is something special. Certain things need to be talked about with a good friend, not with your wife, girlfriend or partner. It is amazing how such an "intentional meeting" can help you to see certain things. By doing these meetings, I hear about my choices in life, and get some good views on them. It has helped a lot me over the years.
You are very blessed, Marcus, to have this type of relationship with these men.
It's funny ... when my wife and I moved back to this city after being away from it for 7 years, what I did was ask myself a very simple question: who do I want to hang out with?
And very quickly these two guys' names came to mind. So I phoned them up, cold turkey, and invited them out for steaks at a local dive.
That's how this all got started. Pretty basic. And I think much of the relational trust has been developed along the way, even.
I do meet up with friends very sparse. Because, strange as it sounds, I don't have my best friends in my city, but in whole Europe or in the US. When I'm out with men, we normally have our girls with us. So the relationship started because the girls know each other and the men got to know each other from that.
Friends from my school time I don't have anymore. I past on them cause I did not get along with them very good, or they not with me... I don't care. With friends out of college I lost pretty much contact. So the ones I call friends are the ones who live in Belgium (e.g. Cedric), or Holland (e.g. Steph, the Franks, Frenk, Peter...) or the US (Carmen). So every now and then I give them a call and we talk about all things which come to our minds. Weather, family, cars, people, polics, war stuff...
And when I'm very lucky I meet with one or two of them in Bastogne or elsewhere. Hopefully more in the future.
T
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